So you FINALLY took the plunge and asked the person out! Whew... aren't you glad that is over with! You agonized over asking them out for sooooo long, and it wasn't that bad after all. See I told you taking that leap of faith was a good thing.
Now, the next step is just as important as asking them out which is getting prepared for your first date. Selecting the right clothes to wear, places to go, and activities should be the least of your worries. The biggest thing, in my opinion, is the conversation. It's one thing to be understandably nervous and you may unintentionally say "dumb" stuff, but it is a whole different ball game if you say all the wrong stuff on purpose. Remember we are just spending some quality time together. We are not auditioning for marriage on the first date.
Tell the truth... aren't you super excited that you will finally get an opportunity to spend some alone time with one another? You've seen this person in passing or at different activities with other people present, and now you FINALLY get to be all alone with them for the first time on a date. That conversation you imagined in your head a thousand times about what you would say to them is about to be a reality. You will have their undivided attention, and they will be focused 100 percent on you!
For the purposes of this article, I think it is good to start with some of the following things you probably should NOT talk about on your first date:
STILL SINGLE: For my still single crowd, I know the temptation to want to talk about all your accomplishments, your political views, your job, how many children you want to have, you ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, etc., will be very tempting, but try to stay away from that. Remember you've never been married and although you've learned a lot and figured out what you are looking for in a person, it is not necessary to "pile" it on up front. For some of you, I know you are tired of dating, getting set-up, and you figure let's just "cut through the chase" so you don't waste my time and I don't waste your time. Remember this is just a first date, and maybe you need to learn to chill out a little, and stop trying to get to the end before you understand the beginning?
SINGLE AGAIN: For my single again crowd, you've definitely got some experience in being married already, I believe this very experience will serve to be one of your greatest conversation "flops" if it is not used the right way. I can tell you that your date is not going to want to hear about your ex-wife, ex-husband, divorce, child support, in-laws, child custody, etc., on your first date. Some of you may not agree with this but in my opinion, I don't believe people should be dating who are separated and are still legally married until they are officially single again. Even for you widows and widowers, your date will definitely be sensitive to what you have been through, but it is still not okay to spend your whole date talking about your late husband or late wife. If you do, you will probably run your date away because it clearly shows you are not ready to move on. Trust me, as delicate as your situation is as a widow or widower, no one wants to compete with your deceased wife or husband. Let me be clear that it is absolutely necessary to let the other person know that you have been married before and now you are either divorced or are a widow/widower, and guess what that's all you need to say on your first date. Sometimes the other person on the date with you will be curious about what happened and may want to pry a little with asking you a lot of questions. My advice to you is to kindly tell them that you will be happy to answer their questions, but you prefer to reserve that for a time in the future if you both decide to go out again. Remember it's just your first date, and why tell all your business to someone who you may not even see again, or who may prejudge you before they know your full journey?
SINGLE PARENTS: For my single parent crowd, everything I mentioned above for people who are single again applies to you if you were married before and you have children. However, if you have never been married before and you have children already, my advice is still the same regardless which is tell the person you have children, how many, their ages and gender if you want, and that's it. Stay away from where your children go to school, their hobbies, their strengths and weaknesses, their emotions regarding the divorce or loss of their other parent, etc. Again, these things are too "heavy" for a first date. I am a parent and I have done this before when I'm talking to other people which is I start to talk about my daughter and before I realize it, I have been talking about her for far too long and told too much personal stuff which I sometimes regret later. So, I can only imagine how that could come across on a first date. When it comes to our children, we as parents must be cautious about who we let into their inner circle anyways, so no excessive children details on your first date.
So, what should you talk about on your first date? Well I'm glad you asked. First date conversations should always be light and relaxing. This is your time to show who you are, and what your personality is like? Ask questions about what the other person likes to do for fun. Ask questions about books, movies, museums, plays, and theme parks they may like. I know this is basic and you maybe thinking, "Really Tracy...", but ask them what their favorite color is and why. Ask about their favorite holiday and why. Ask if they prefer sweetened or unsweetened tea, ice cream or Italian ice, or if they like baseball? See you get the picture, right? As we become adults, we tend to think these things are boring, but in actuality they are more welcoming than you imagined. Learn to actively listen on your first date to what the other person is saying. Engage them in the conversation about what you are hearing them say. Do you know how long you can hold a conversation about what a person's favorite book is? Before you know it, your first date will be nearing the end with these questions. As a bonus tip, I would like to add the following: 1. Smile, look them in their eyes from time to time to show you are interested. 2. Do not order for the other person on your first date, so let them speak for themselves. 3. Do not look at your cell phone every 12 seconds. 4. Be confident. 5. Remember what I said above. I decided to save the best for last which is do find a way to tell the person what you like about them without being weird or scary. A light compliment is appropriate especially when it is sincere.
I do realize that some people are completely uncomfortable talking about themselves, but you need to get used to doing this. The person isn't going out on this first date with your work self or your parent self, they are going out with just the "you" self. Talking about the core of who you are in stages is actually very hard for a lot of people. If I happen to be on this first date with you, I want to know who are you? Let me clarify... who are you truly a part from what I already know about you or have already "googled" about you? Although these things deserve to be discussed at another time, I don't want to know about your social media following, views on politics, your ex-girlfriends, your 10-year life plan, dirty jokes, how many children you want to have, etc. These things are to "heavy" for a first date. You have to trust God all throughout, because if this is truly the right person for you down the line, your view of only having two children may actually change because you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Leave some room to be open for adventure.
If by chance you have kept your first date conversation light and you find that you are interested in learning a little more about this person, then make sure you secure a second date before your first date ends. Remember this is about the "you" self, so we don't want you to overthink anything or leave your first date and go hear what all your friends have to say first. If you want to participate in a second date with this person, then secure the second date immediately while you are face to face. For the woman, let the man ask you out. However, it's okay to drop hints that you would like to go out again with him, by saying something like this, "I have enjoyed spending this time with you, and I hope we have a chance to get to know one another again." For the man who wants to ask her out again, say something like this, "It's been awhile since I have enjoyed a peaceful afternoon with some good laughs, and I would love to know if you want to hang out with me again?" If you both agree, then set a date, time, and you can follow up with the date activity details later. Despite dating in today's times, I'm telling you don't over complicate things. Simplicity is the key.
I hope you enjoyed this article and will stay tune for some second date conversation tips.