The facts state that there was definitely a time in your life that you had a spouse that you were able to share that intimate side with. There was a person who occupied that intimate space in your life that met your sexual needs. Maybe the two of you had such a great sexual rhythm that your lovemaking surpassed your expectations? Maybe your sexual rhythm was off beat, and your lovemaking was average but satisfactory? Maybe your sexual rhythm was altered in some way, and it was reduced to being very little to nonexistent? The point is you had a sexual rhythm with your former spouse. Now that you are "Single Again" you neither have a sexual rhythm nor do you have a spouse.
I hear this a lot more than I should, but the number of people who still have sex with one another that were once married is in the high percentages. Christians are right in the bunch thinking that they have found some sort of Bible loophole. Let me be extremely clear--there is no Bible LOOPHOLE. If you aren't married, you should not be having sex plain and simple even to your former spouse. Don't make excuses that you feel your former spouse was not a good husband or wife, but the sex was great. I mean, come on really, do you actually think that it's okay and acceptable in God's eyes to have sex with your former wife or husband as long as you both aren't having sex with other people just because you were once married? If this happens to be your thinking, please change this because this is a new level of insanity.
Being that you essentially went from having sex to not having sex, you are now in a position that requires you to turn off your sexual drive. Now, according to the Bible, you should not be having sex even if you are sneaking in the night to meet your former spouse. You know the drill, God made sex for MARRIAGE. If you want to have rightful sex with a former spouse, then you need to reconcile with this person and make yourselves honorable to God through remarriage (1 Corinthians 7:1-11).
God is not trying to punish you and me or any other single who has never been married before by saying we are to not have sex unless we are married. Instead He is helping us to set boundaries with our bodies, so we can experience that oneness and bond with our future husband or wife that will make them separate and above all the other people we may have dated (1 Corinthians 6:17-20). We all know that fulfilling our sexual needs is very enjoyable, and you may think it's too hard to stop having sex because you have enjoyed it so much when you were married, BUT it's not impossible to stop having sex. Trust me you will live!
We took one step back in your life, and it seems to me that we need to take two steps forward to get you in the present day of dating and waiting. Yes, you are "Single Again" and yes that means that you should be dating and waiting just like all the other singles. Having sex with your former spouse is no more than an excuse and is not acceptable. If your former spouse is worth your time, then maybe the two of you should be discussing remarriage and getting the right help you need to create a foundation that will last the second time around.
I don't know maybe by writing this article I may step on some toes, but that's okay if it means I can help even one person. You need to know I have much love flowing toward you, and I don't want you to keep doing this if you are. I know you can change not only your thinking, but you sexual behavior. Going from having a spouse to not having a spouse especially if your scars aren't healed yet can seem unfair, but you are not doing yourself any justice by reopening this scar every time you go back and have sex with your former spouse. I don't think I need to prolong this article in great length, because you get what I'm say and I don't need to keep repeating myself. You know what you need to do, so go do it. You know what you need to change, so change it. You know the boundaries you need to set, so set them. You know God still loves you, so keep believing that!