"Oh yeah, my husband said this..."; "My wife always..."; "We are planning..." If you haven't experienced this already, there will be many things that have to change when you are no longer married and that even includes how you now identify yourself to others. When you go from married back to single again, a change in vocabulary is also something you will have to rethink. Chances are you've been use to saying my wife, my husband, we, us, our, etc., and now you don't have a husband or a wife to call your own.
There are some people in this world who simply believe they are born to be married, and they feel their life works better when they are married. Please don't get me wrong by this statement, I don't mean other people don't want to be married just as much, but the people I'm referring too really, really struggle when they are alone, and often times quickly jump back into another marriage just to say I'm married. They sometimes have this idolized image of, "I just want my life to be about me and my husband or me and my wife." They haven't connected to the fact that there is a reason why they are no longer married, and they often resist embracing this change of lifestyle which includes a change in vocabulary.
On the other hand, there are people whose marriage may have ended, and they are doing their best to cope and to embrace their new singleness. They don't always like being alone, but they deal with it. They are open to getting married again but in time. They want to embrace this new lifestyle and all that comes with it, and they have no problem practicing their new vocabulary even though they may have a " slip up" every now and then out of habit.
Let's be honest you are use to your identification being wrapped up in your former spouse. Out of fairness to you, all you've ever known is them being there and the both of you doing life. Now their not there anymore, and you're doing life with just you. To you it still feels the same, but it's really not the same. Unyoking your identification from your former spouse is hard, but a necessity if you have any hope of getting married again one day. As difficult as it maybe, you will need to figure out how many people you want to be yoked too moving forward for this new season of your life.
Changing your vocabulary may seem like such a small thing to you, but words have power. What you say to yourself and others shape the way you think. Regardless of the reason, your former spouse is not there anymore to meet your needs, and if you are constantly referring to yourself in a married sense, it doesn't leave room for anyone else to get an opportunity to meet your future needs.
I know it maybe hard to hear and I don't mean any disrespect to your former marriage, but you are no longer a wife or a husband anymore to anyone. So in due time, your "my wife or my husband" sayings will need to be deferred until you get married again. As you continue to make your vocabulary transition, it may seem weird at first hearing yourself not refer to your former spouse, but instead referring only to yourself, but you'll get use to it. This simple speech change practiced over and over again will help you to see yourself as an individual again and aid you in the healing process.
There will come a day when you will not have to be mindful of your speech when referring to what you want, what you need, who you are, where you are going, etc., and you'll be a better person for it. Matter of fact, it will show others just how healthy and healed you are from the inside out. The other nice part about being healthy and healed is that new single person you maybe interested in will sense that from you and want to get to know you better. So when that day comes and you hear yourself referring only to yourself, you won't be inclined to look over your shoulders and say, "Who said that?"
There are some people in this world who simply believe they are born to be married, and they feel their life works better when they are married. Please don't get me wrong by this statement, I don't mean other people don't want to be married just as much, but the people I'm referring too really, really struggle when they are alone, and often times quickly jump back into another marriage just to say I'm married. They sometimes have this idolized image of, "I just want my life to be about me and my husband or me and my wife." They haven't connected to the fact that there is a reason why they are no longer married, and they often resist embracing this change of lifestyle which includes a change in vocabulary.
On the other hand, there are people whose marriage may have ended, and they are doing their best to cope and to embrace their new singleness. They don't always like being alone, but they deal with it. They are open to getting married again but in time. They want to embrace this new lifestyle and all that comes with it, and they have no problem practicing their new vocabulary even though they may have a " slip up" every now and then out of habit.
Let's be honest you are use to your identification being wrapped up in your former spouse. Out of fairness to you, all you've ever known is them being there and the both of you doing life. Now their not there anymore, and you're doing life with just you. To you it still feels the same, but it's really not the same. Unyoking your identification from your former spouse is hard, but a necessity if you have any hope of getting married again one day. As difficult as it maybe, you will need to figure out how many people you want to be yoked too moving forward for this new season of your life.
Changing your vocabulary may seem like such a small thing to you, but words have power. What you say to yourself and others shape the way you think. Regardless of the reason, your former spouse is not there anymore to meet your needs, and if you are constantly referring to yourself in a married sense, it doesn't leave room for anyone else to get an opportunity to meet your future needs.
I know it maybe hard to hear and I don't mean any disrespect to your former marriage, but you are no longer a wife or a husband anymore to anyone. So in due time, your "my wife or my husband" sayings will need to be deferred until you get married again. As you continue to make your vocabulary transition, it may seem weird at first hearing yourself not refer to your former spouse, but instead referring only to yourself, but you'll get use to it. This simple speech change practiced over and over again will help you to see yourself as an individual again and aid you in the healing process.
There will come a day when you will not have to be mindful of your speech when referring to what you want, what you need, who you are, where you are going, etc., and you'll be a better person for it. Matter of fact, it will show others just how healthy and healed you are from the inside out. The other nice part about being healthy and healed is that new single person you maybe interested in will sense that from you and want to get to know you better. So when that day comes and you hear yourself referring only to yourself, you won't be inclined to look over your shoulders and say, "Who said that?"
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