"Tracey can you talk more on why a woman should wait for a guy to ask her out? I looked at some of your posts about letting the guy ask you out even if he's shy... I guess I feel like this guy likes me and I don't want to miss an opportunity because I know he is shy and afraid... Any advice you can give me will be helpful."
-Gretchen
-Gretchen
Ok, all you singles, let me first say I am SUPER DUPER excited to present Part 2 of the answer that was posted by Miguel on May 6, 2016. I know, I know, I know this is super late, and this is my fault. I was so stoked to do this when Tracy asked me a while ago that I delayed this article, because I was focused on everything being PERFECTO!!!!!! So my role is to give you a woman's view of this shy guy thing that (I believe) most single women have dealt with. I am currently single and not in a relationship, BUT dating experience I do have.
If you met me or already know me, I have a bit of a "see something I like and go after it" type of brain. So you can see my dilemma when I started to rethink my approach to meeting single guys. Shy does not describe me on any day of the week. I talk to people all the time even if they speak a different language. If I would see a guy I thought was cute and we were doing the stare at each thing, I guarantee you if he didn't make the first move I was sure going to do it!!!!! Now that I think back this probably wasn't good, and it probably made me look aggressive and that's a real bummer. Which finally leads me to my point word AGGRESSIVE.
Shy guys maybe shy, but they still have a brain to think. See a shy guy can be literally frozen on the outside but inside he could be having the "conversation of a lifetime" with himself about you, and you would never even know it. What gets overlooked sometimes is that we single women get so stuck on what we see or not see on the outside that we forget about the fact that this guy is totally not shy on the inside. As I said before, I have always "wanted what I wanted" period. The fact that I am still single tells you and me that my AGGRESSIVE approach to meeting single guys, even shy guys, wasn't working for me. So guess what I did? I stopped the "want what I want" way of thinking, and I started to find out what God wanted for me.
When single women drive the relationship because they think the shy guy needs help, their relationship will be headed for doom right out the gate. It's funny, really, because I talk to and know other single women who ALWAYS want this strong great man but these same women are wearing the pants in the relationship. So how can the man be strong and great in your eyes when you think you ALWAYS got to help him out? To help you imagine just how much shy guys don't need your help, I would gladly get on a loud speaker at the biggest sports event and then scream through the loud speaker that, "SHY GUYS DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!"
Don't be like the old me and seem to AGGRESSIVE and impatient. Like Miguel said in his Part 1 article, you have to just move on. Oh my goodness this was a "hard head lesson" for me to learn. I had to move on in situations where the shy guy and I had good vibes, but he obviously didn't think I was good enough to step outside of his comfort zone to ask me out. Now that I see things differently, I believe that when single women help the guy out it's like helping God out, and we all know that's NOT going to end well. I now feel that I would much rather let God give the shy guy courage and stir up his heart concerning me that he would decide to move out his comfort zone to ask me out, then to take it upon myself to help God out!!!!!
I have now grown up more in my faith and at the end of the day I want to not only date a man of God, but I want to one day marry a man of God. I want the man I marry to lead our family with Jesus at the helm. I want us to compliment each other and not be the one who always has to do and think of everything, because I have been the AGGRESSIVE one throughout our relationship. If I planted that AGGRESSIVE seed early on in our relationship because I thought he was too shy and needed a little push, well you can only imagine the harvest that will come from this AGGRESSIVE seed.
Sooooo if you don't remember anything I have said remember this, if you're worth it to the shy guy, he will make his move. He will find a way, and he can do it all by himself. Trust God to lead him, trust God to give him the courage he needs, and trust that God doesn't need your help!
Nicole
If you met me or already know me, I have a bit of a "see something I like and go after it" type of brain. So you can see my dilemma when I started to rethink my approach to meeting single guys. Shy does not describe me on any day of the week. I talk to people all the time even if they speak a different language. If I would see a guy I thought was cute and we were doing the stare at each thing, I guarantee you if he didn't make the first move I was sure going to do it!!!!! Now that I think back this probably wasn't good, and it probably made me look aggressive and that's a real bummer. Which finally leads me to my point word AGGRESSIVE.
Shy guys maybe shy, but they still have a brain to think. See a shy guy can be literally frozen on the outside but inside he could be having the "conversation of a lifetime" with himself about you, and you would never even know it. What gets overlooked sometimes is that we single women get so stuck on what we see or not see on the outside that we forget about the fact that this guy is totally not shy on the inside. As I said before, I have always "wanted what I wanted" period. The fact that I am still single tells you and me that my AGGRESSIVE approach to meeting single guys, even shy guys, wasn't working for me. So guess what I did? I stopped the "want what I want" way of thinking, and I started to find out what God wanted for me.
When single women drive the relationship because they think the shy guy needs help, their relationship will be headed for doom right out the gate. It's funny, really, because I talk to and know other single women who ALWAYS want this strong great man but these same women are wearing the pants in the relationship. So how can the man be strong and great in your eyes when you think you ALWAYS got to help him out? To help you imagine just how much shy guys don't need your help, I would gladly get on a loud speaker at the biggest sports event and then scream through the loud speaker that, "SHY GUYS DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!"
Don't be like the old me and seem to AGGRESSIVE and impatient. Like Miguel said in his Part 1 article, you have to just move on. Oh my goodness this was a "hard head lesson" for me to learn. I had to move on in situations where the shy guy and I had good vibes, but he obviously didn't think I was good enough to step outside of his comfort zone to ask me out. Now that I see things differently, I believe that when single women help the guy out it's like helping God out, and we all know that's NOT going to end well. I now feel that I would much rather let God give the shy guy courage and stir up his heart concerning me that he would decide to move out his comfort zone to ask me out, then to take it upon myself to help God out!!!!!
I have now grown up more in my faith and at the end of the day I want to not only date a man of God, but I want to one day marry a man of God. I want the man I marry to lead our family with Jesus at the helm. I want us to compliment each other and not be the one who always has to do and think of everything, because I have been the AGGRESSIVE one throughout our relationship. If I planted that AGGRESSIVE seed early on in our relationship because I thought he was too shy and needed a little push, well you can only imagine the harvest that will come from this AGGRESSIVE seed.
Sooooo if you don't remember anything I have said remember this, if you're worth it to the shy guy, he will make his move. He will find a way, and he can do it all by himself. Trust God to lead him, trust God to give him the courage he needs, and trust that God doesn't need your help!
Nicole
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