That moment you realize that your dating relationship has come to an end is never pretty whether its welcomed or unwelcomed. I don't want you to think that you are a failure just because you feel that you are back at square one again. Relationships can be hard sometimes, in general, but throwing in the towel is not an option for you.
At the impact of the breakup, it almost feels like at 7:30 pm you're a couple, and by 7:31 pm you're not. A mere 60 seconds separates you from the person you no longer want to be with or in some cases, you really did want to stay with this person and try to work things out but maybe they didn't. The good news is that breakups should never define you but teach you. The negative news about breakups is that if you are not careful, you may entertain the enemy's whispers about not being good enough, having a fear of being forever lonely, asking yourself the age ole question of "Why me", or possibly thinking that nobody is ever going to want you. But you know none of that is true---right? Of course, if you know God is or has been showing you that you need to fix a few things about yourself, well you need to be thankful for His pointing this out to you so that you can continue to grow into an even brighter lighthouse. If you know you did the best you could, but the dating relationship just didn't work out, then release, let go, and keep moving forward.
I get it breakups hurt... They are often uncomfortable especially when you both have shared friends or when family members really, really, really, really like the other person. Breakups can sometimes be untimely... Sometimes people try to stay in dating relationships to meet a mile marker, to get through a specific holiday, birthday, etc., all the while knowing that their relationship "doomsday" will be happening as soon as this event is over with. Breakups can be mentally exhausting... They can leave you questioning your self worth, your standards, and possibly your morals.
I decided to highlight one specific reason that can hinder a person from moving forward post breakup and that is feeling like you are not good enough. To our God who has created you for great things you are definitely good enough period and that goes without any further explanation. The good part about breakups is that they often give you an opportunity to reexamine your life and allow you to "walk out a few Bible scriptures" that you might be familiar with like forgiveness, faithfulness, seasons, wisdom, healing, etc., only to name a few. The bad part about breakups is when you decide to accept the enemy's whispers and allow the breakup to define you instead of teaching you.
I know sometimes you want to have a pity party, but make sure your pity party is extremely temporary. I never want you to permanently embrace thinking that you are not good enough. Psalm 30:5, reminds us that, "... weeping may endure for an night, but joy cometh in the morning." If a person doesn't want to be with you, I say good riddance. You need to understand that when someone has decided they don't want to be with you there is nothing you can do to make them stay and on the other hand, why would you want to force them to stay with you? Personally, I have had moments in my life where I really wanted a certain dating relationship to work out, but it didn't and secretly I was still---hoping and a wishing and even a praying it would---even though I knew it was a done deal. Fast forward to now, and I don't want to ever date someone who views me as a burden, a thorn, a relief from boredom, or some sort of settlement. If they wish to never see me or occupy the same space, trust me I will wholeheartedly oblige. I can't ever imagine trying to force someone to stay with me. The very thought of that activates my gag reflex. I want you to connect with the fact that your time is valuable, and you are valuable.
I recently did an Instagram post about how confusing it is when people send mixed messages, and I do realize that breakups can sometimes contain mixed messages and can leave you quite confused. Breakups laced with mixed messages are time stealers. They can leave you thinking if I stay available maybe this person will come to their senses and see that I am right for them or better yet, we are right for each other. Oh boy, if you are at that place in your mind, I want you to step back, take a breathier, and reset yourself. Better yet, I want you to realize how much power you are giving to the other person to control your life. You, my friend, are so much better than this. Don't fall for mixed messages, but instead take a stand against this.
Another area laced in breakups is that some people are just great at pushing other people away. To be honest, I don't know if a person's ability to do this is a curse or a blessing, but if you happen to be someone who always seem to successfully push people away, then as hard as this is for me to say, you will unfortunately be that forever lonely person for the rest of your life if you don't change this extremely bad habit.
As I close, I want you to understand that sometimes the only way to get to the person God has for you is to possibly endure a few breakups a long the journey. I know I know deep down you are tired of the dating scene, but keep yourself open to the possibilities and connections. Don't close your heart, because you're tired of the same ole thing on a different day. Stay in the dating game and refine yourself as God shows you things that can help you in letting your light shine even brighter. Get ready for this big one, despite how you feel, don't be a complainer but an encourager. At the end of the day, always remember that breakups aren't the final period to end your story, they are simply the comma in your journey, the page turners that will continue to propel you forward to meeting your future wife or husband.