I once heard a Christian leader say, “Anything taken to the extreme becomes error,” and you know what that has and continues to stick with me. So although having healthy relationships are a must, knowing when you need your individual space to do individual things is a must also.
When you are in pursuit of love, knowing how to balance the various relationships in your life is vital. Your approach to every relationship cannot and should not be the same. The amount of time you might spend and effort expended with a family friend will not be the same as your spending time with a person of interest.
When two people are interested in one another, there is a lot of time, particularly upfront, that goes into getting to know one another. Meanwhile, all the other family and friend type of relationships need your attention as well. The fact of the matter is that you will have to balance every meaningful relationship. In balancing these relationships, it is expected that adjustments will need to be made. If you neglect making the necessary adjustments, you will not be able to maintain everything at full throttle without hurting someone in the process.
If you are a person that may disagree with this article, then chances are you might be discovering or may need to accept that you may have people pleasing tendencies. People pleasers are known to want to keep everybody happy all the time, and they believe that by doing this it is an acceptable personal sacrifice on their part.
Dating a people pleaser will be quite a hurdle to win, but not impossible, in order for your relationship to continue to thrive. When you date a people pleaser, you will be able to spot it in various ways. For example, the person may want to do everything to make you happy, always want you to make the decisions, be uncomfortable with spontaneity, display little to no self- confidence, etc. The flip side to this is you will notice they always want to include their family and friends in everything you do together, they may make you feel guilty for wanting to spend quiet time with them alone, they go out their way to make other people happy even if it means missing a date with you or showing up late for a date with you, etc.
The seed of people pleasing will definitely carry over into your future marriage if this person is your intended spouse. The problem with this is that people pleasing is multiplied and magnified when people get married. I am not saying you should break up with the person, but I am saying you need to acknowledge the problem with the person and be patient with them as they work on changing their behavior.
You are worth having a person’s full attention when you are together. You are worth a person learning to set healthy boundaries with their family and friends when they are spending quality time with you. You are worth dating a person with self-confidence. You are worth a person not caring what other people think when they are with you. These types of worthy things will serve you well in your future marriage. Say no to people pleasing, and yes to balancing right relationships.