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INTERNET DATING

2/2/2015

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Finding love via internet dating is still a topic of mixed review especially in the Christian community.  I think most people, particularly Christians, are not only concerned about the safety component, but they are also concerned about the biblical component as well.

Since it's worldwide inception, the internet, in all its facets, has grown to be one of the largest platforms for a variety of things from learning how to cook, making money, booking travel, launching businesses, e-reading, shopping, connecting via social media, online classes, etc., just to name a micro few.  The internet has also grown to be a great place for social networking, and unfortunately a not so great place for social engineering, and an overwhelmingly exciting social place for finding love without ever leaving the comfort of your home.  We as consumers have surpassed our needs and wants when compared to the needs and wants of a traditional consumer during the 1950s for example.

Let's be honest, we are mainly a society of people who want what we want right now and not tomorrow.  Humanly speaking, we like gratification even in the most instant form.  Spiritually speaking, God likes it when we live our lives with much gratitude.  I would say these perspectives are polar opposite.  Whether you believe in Jesus or not, you need to be aware of your surroundings even when connecting yourself to the internet for varies reasons. What we allow in our lives is still our responsibility.  As Christians, we are responsible to make sure we are in step with God's plan for our life as we make choices, and yes, internet choices.

Wanting what we want doesn't make God move any faster and sometimes when we are in pursuit of love, we must decide what path we believe God is asking us to take to get to our next life step.  The question still remains is it ok to want what we want when we feel we are ready to find love?

My short answer to internet dating is this must be a personal choice for you.  I know that God leads us in many different ways--some conventional and some unconventional.  You need to know that no matter what you decide to do or try, again, it's not going to make God go any faster than what He thinks you're ready for. 

The internet is a resource, and the purpose of the internet is not bad.  What makes the internet bad is the fact that some people seek to use the internet to do harm to others.  Just like in traditional dating, you must be aware of the risks if you decide to give internet dating a try.  People lie in person and on the internet when it comes to who they are.  Blind dates are scary when family and friends "set" you up, and the same is true when you are meeting someone for the first time in person that you've met on the internet.  There is no "special" internet dating holy water to help you discern a wolf in sheep's clothing.  You will find them both inside and outside the church.  If you don't know the Shepherd's voice, you will be easily led astray so don't be led by your emotions, because they change day by day and minute by minute.  Whether you meet a person in the church or not, you need to verify that Jesus is indeed Lord over their life.  Use wisdom in sharing too much of your personal information too soon or getting to comfortable too soon.  Just like when you find someone from traditional dating make sure you have other mature believers meet and spend some time with this person you met on the internet before you say "I DO."

God has brought couples together in many different ways.  Some Christians have used internet dating and to no avail.  While others have used it and are walking testimonies.  The point here is there is no guarantee that just because you see a person with the perfect profile on the internet that they are perfect for you.  The ONLY guarantee is God.  If you get ahead of God, you will receive your results.  However, if you are in step with God, you will receive God's results.  Even though God uses many different methods, God is still the same god even though the internet is available and that fact will NEVER change.




 
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DIFFERENT ADVENTURES SAME LOVE

12/29/2014

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He likes skiing, and she likes beaches.  Watching action-packed dramas is his thing while hopeless romantics are her thing.  She likes all things pink, but camouflage brown makes him smile.  To some dating relationships built on polar opposites may have more of a chill when it comes to standing the test of time. 
However, to others those polar opposites are embraced with a sense of adventure and new opportunity.  I guess for me I prefer the latter.  Wouldn't you say having a little adventure in a dating relationship seems exciting and fun?

I don't think most people enter dating relationships to be bored.  Who wants to be stuck with someone who never wants to try new things--not even a "little" new thing?  Sadly, we all have either been in a dating relationship that sounded like this or know someone who has been in a dating relationship just like this.  One thing's for sure, there isn't any fun or excitement in boredom.

It is a fact and a natural process of order that relationships go through different phases as they mature with time.  Like with anything in life, if you don't water your relationships, death is imminent.  Watering your relationships keeps the soil fertile for God to continue to teach you how to maintain health and longevity.  

It is very possible to add that much needed spark in a relationship when a couple has been in love and dating for a long time.  Adding that adventure ingredient might just be the spark you both need.  Just because your relationship has matured, and you both know one another's strengths and weaknesses doesn't mean you can't sit down and talk about ways to reinsert adventure into your relationship.  For example, this may mean that you give skiing a try or perhaps you grab a box a tissue for those super girly movies.  It's okay to do something different in the name of love. 

On the other hand, you may still be single looking to date only a specific type of person that makes you feel comfortable in your skin.  Of course, there's nothing wrong with dating someone who is more like you than not.  I'm just saying that it is also okay to date someone who have different interests.  Don't shy away from a person just because they like different things than you do.  So what if the person likes delicacy foods, and you are a meat and potato kind of person.  Is this really a deal breaker for you?  Keep your sense of adventure open.  They just might add that spark of adventure to your life that you didn't even know you needed.

Remember you don't have to feel stuck or bored in your dating relationships.  See bicycles are designed to take you somewhere only if you get on and pedal.  Don't be that person who operates on auto pilot and takes pride in everything staying the same.  Date people who have different interests, expand your life, try new things, and say yes to adventure!




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WHAT DO THE LONELY DO AT CHRISTMAS?

12/12/2014

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What do the lonely do at Christmas?  Go make friends (Proverbs 18:24)!!  Yes, it’s true that for singles any holiday, particularly Christmas, tends to be a very lonely time marked by sadness, depression, anger, and self pity.  Trust me I’m not trying to sound all holy, but if you find yourself feeling this way, you’re missing the point of Christmas.  What I mean by this is that Christmas is about receiving our Saviour into the world we live in, because we the people needed and still need Him.  See, Christmas is about Jesus, and Jesus is all about people.  Jesus is all about family.  Jesus is all about abnormal situations.  Jesus is all about being radical. 

Jesus was not born into a perfect family, but that still didn’t lessen who He was, who He is, and how many lives He continues to change.  Christmas is not about having everything perfect with perfect people in their perfect house eating a perfect meal opening gifts under a perfect tree.  Christmas is about not thinking of who you don’t have, but rather a reminder to you as singles about the HOPE of an expected future.  Maybe you will not celebrate Christmas with your future wife or husband physically, but who says you can’t do it in the spirit?  If you trust God, then you know His word is true so walk in what you’re believing as though it is already so (Romans 4:17). 

There are plenty of people who would like to be your friend.  When was the last time you made some new friends?  When was the last time you paid for someone’s meal just because?  See the list is endless if you happen to be looking for examples of things to do at Christmas that can occupy your time as you continue to wait on the Lord.  Hey, you never know, maybe this is your season, and like Ruth, you might just hap upon your Boaz (Ruth 2:3).  Until then look at it this way, one day in the future you will celebrate Christmas with your future wife or husband by your side, and your singleness will be but a mere distant memory.  So relax and enjoy your life where you are this Christmas, because Jesus is the reason for the season, and there is also purpose for this season of your life.  Go show yourself friendly!!

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Single in the Church

12/2/2014

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Boy oh boy being single and going to church is a forever interesting situation particularly when you are amidst engaged and married folk. It’s funny how we all come in the same doors of the church, worship the same God, sing, and pray with one another, only to find that some churchgoers impose these sacred boundaries when fellowshipping with singles. 

We all know that people go to church for many different reasons regardless of their marital status.  Some folks are dealing with abandonment, rejection, divorce, sickness, forgiveness, death, unemployment, etc., and the last thing they want to deal with especially if they are married or in a committed dating relationship is to feel threatened by a single person with wrong motives.

As much as I hate to admit it, I do realize that not all singles go to church to worship God, sing, pray with one another, etc.  Instead there are some singles, not all, but some whose mission is to unfortunately attend church with the sole purpose of finding a spouse.  These types of singles actually set a bad example for other singles who don’t share this mission. 

I don’t think that people mean to come off with these sacred boundaries when they know you are single, but it’s just one of those things.  As some would say, “It is what it is.”  I want to be clear that healthy boundaries are needed and appropriate.  I do believe that people, regardless if you are single or not, should display proper behavior at all times and respect other people’s relationships.  What I am not saying is that automatically putting a guard up when you are around other singles is not “kool” at all. 

Personally, the number one thing that bothers me regarding this issue is that some people fail to realize that I and other singles have standards as well.  Sometimes people are so busy wanting to make sure that singles keep their distance from them that it becomes borderline insulting.  They don’t always stop and think about the individual’s character that they are conversing with first to determine if this person is known to have wrong motives.  If wrong motives apply, then yes, keep your distance, but don’t place everybody in this category.  The second thing that bothers me is what happened to people just having a normal conversation without worrying about what other people think?  I have personally seen folks whispering when they see me talking with someone else who is single.  Maybe we are talking about politics?  Maybe we are talking about the Yellowstone National Park?  My point is not every conversation is about hooking up or trying to flirt with someone.  Guys, maybe you need to pray for me on this issue.  As you can see I am not fond of being labeled because I am single, and I especially don’t like to experience this in the church. 

Before I close with this article, I want to say that I am fully aware that this type of behavior is not found in every church.   Maybe you’ve never experienced this or maybe you have, but nonetheless, this is an issue that some singles face.  To give you an even broader view of the issue, if a person is single in the church, it can actually affect what position they hold in a church or where they serve.  Fair or unfair, gifted or not, called by God or not, see this issue is deeper rooted than on a relational level.  I hope that you receive this article with much sensitivity in which I am writing it.  Be righteously proud of your singleness no matter how some folk respond.  God knows your heart and that’s all that matters.

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LOVE ARRIVES QUIETLY

8/8/2014

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How does love arrive?  For some, love is very bold in that it makes such a statement that two people know almost immediately that they have found one another.  For some, love is a little cloudy.  Two people have decided to give love a try, they are actively involved with one another, and yet they haven't decided if they actually want to spend the rest of their lives together.  However, for others, love is not on their radar, their hearts may even be guarded, and they often times believe they are too busy for love.  In talking with some of these extra busy people, do not be surprised if you hear them tell you that one day they saw "this person" a little differently than they did the day before.  The same person whom they have put much effort into setting tons of boundaries with has now somehow woven their way inside of their guarded heart without their knowing.  I guess a good question is , "How is this possible?"  My answer to this is that when you find a person with a guarded heart and tons of boundaries, you will also find a person who likes to be in control of their life.  See love does not spring from the head, it springs from the heart.  Love may not fit into schedules, deadlines, and appointments especially when God is the orchestrator.

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking over my life, and I do recall this happening to me many years ago.  When I realized it, I was to scared to do anything about it.  Instead, I did the typical thing of telling God to work everything out.  Not realizing it was God who allowed the love I had for "this person" to take root in my heart in the first place.  How could I not see that our all knowing God already knew this was happening anyways.  Now God had been waiting on me.  This was another great lesson in love for me that I missed, and I don't intend to repeat again.

People often times think that love springs from their head; therefore, love must logically occur.  Love springs from the heart.  This is the place where your love for Christ is found.  Think about it for a minute.  Because Jesus lives in your heart, it makes it possible to have compassion where compassion does not exist.  It allows mercy to be found when mercy has vanished. This love also extends grace when grace is not deserved.  In Proverbs 4:23, we are to guard our heart not to keep love out, but to make sure what is flowing from our heart reflects the love of Christ.  So when a person discovers they are in the center of God's will for their life, this can and does include loving someone you never thought you would.  

If love has arrived quietly and unassumingly toward a particular person, you need to acknowledge it to God, be a participant in the process, and give Him permission to direct the fulfillment of this love.  This does not mean you sit back and do nothing.  You must be available for the opportunities that God presents concerning "this person."  Maybe just maybe God allowed this love to arrive quietly, because He knows you, He created you, and He knew in advance that you would want to control every finite detail or possibly rationalize it away.  So, no, there is no set way in how love arrives.  Whether it is bold, cloudy, or quietly, when love arrives, put your hand on the door knob, open the door, and let  love in!
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Creative Dating

5/28/2014

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In today's culture, dating has never been more unconventional as it is right now.  The various social media venues have created new platforms in which people date.  Not everything that is available is good for you, but at the same time there are some benefits.  If you sit down and talk to people who are actively dating, they will tell you that dating can be quite costly.  Of course, when you are dating that special someone you tend to want to spend as much as you can to have a wonderful date.  It truly is a balancing act of wanting to show that special someone a great time, and still be able to maintain your living expenses to include saving for marriage one day.

Just as the way people meet and date has changed, you know it's okay to think outside the box when it comes to finding inexpensive ways of dating.  Although some men don't particularly want to go the extra mile in being creative, women truly like it when the man plans the date all the way down to every detail.  Trust me when He is quite creative in his planning, this will surely win him major points in the "amazing guy" category. 

Going to restaurants, main stream concerts, etc., tend to be on the expensive side even though they are sure hits.  Have you thought about other ways that can bring some ease on your wallet, especially if you are still meeting and dating new people in hopes of finding that special someone?  How about going to a lake, having a picnic in the local park, or going hiking?  How about spending the day driving and exploring some great places in your city or town that you wouldn't ordinarily go to?  What about going to some free art shows for upcoming artists or even museums? 

See if you take time to look around, there are tons of free and inexpensive things to do that will "knock the socks" off of the person you are dating.  I don't want to give you the idea to be super cheap all the time, because there are times where you want to go all out with the bells and whistles.  However, in case you are wanting to be creative and cost effective, its okay to take a moment and discover and plan some new adventures!

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SINGLE WITH BENEFITS

5/12/2014

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In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul is giving us some intense wisdom about marriage and about being single.  Despite your yearnings to hurry up and get married, there are many benefits of being single.  As the above chapter identifies, marriage is good and one's commitments increase greatly because you now have a husband or wife to think about.  There's certainly nothing wrong with that, but when you are single it means you can devote more time to serving Christ.  That's so reflective of our God as He always wants us to think of others more than ourselves no matter the task.  

Let's think about this carefully--when you are single, you can volunteer to go on mission trips if
that is your cup of tea.  You can decide at the last minute to go hang out with friends for dinner.  You can get in your car and just drive until the gas runs out, find a hotel to stay in, and just enjoy a
spontaneous trip.  You can eat out seven days a week without having to coordinate meals (ok just be careful with this one, because staying healthy is a resounding YES!!)  You don't have to worry about pleasing the in-laws during the holidays.  You can just stay home all weekend and watch your favorite movies and shows all day in your PJs.

So as you can see, being single right now does have its benefits.  Until God has presented you with that future wife or husband, maximize your singleness.
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LOVING FROM A DISTANCE

5/5/2014

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It has been said that absolutely nothing can stop Love when two people believe they have found one another.  Not even miles, cities, small towns, countries, oceans, bridges, continents, or anything will be able to separate what they feel for one another.  I believe just about each of us knows someone who has been in a long distance relationship, and they will tell you that every challenge they may have faced was worth it, and for some, they would do it all over again.

I too have some experience in long distance love.  He was in the military (from a family that was career generational military might I add) and serving his country as he had dreamed he would do since a young boy.  Let me just stop right here and say, God Bless our dads, moms, sons, daughters, cousins, friends, neighbors, uncles, aunts, wives, husbands, and anyone else who serve our great country.  Our gratefulness is in abundance for all that you endure. 

Too be honest, I don't think I appreciated this person during that time in my life, because I was totally and completely all about what was good for me.  I knew upfront that his family was big and dedicated to serving their country, but I guess in the back of my mind I thought that he would not join or at least do a few years and return home.  He did join and began to plot his career around being in the military.

What I learned is that when men and women decide to date and possibly marry someone who is active in the military, they need to understand the level of commitment that is required.  We both were dedicated to one another in the dating relationship.  During that time, we wrote letters, sent photos, talked on the phone, and enjoyed all the activities when he was on leave.  Although I felt he was committed to our dating relationship, I struggled with his time away and distance and I learned something valuable about myself during that process.

Looking back, the only reason I couldn't deal with it was because I was being selfish.  It's not like I didn't understand upfront that he was from a career generational military family who were the nicest supportive people you could ever meet.  It was about me wanting to be like everybody else who was in a dating relationship and wanting to see him everyday.  I couldn't see the importance of him demonstrating a high level of commitment and dedication that are definitely needed in long distance relationships.

Today, I am definitely a different person, and I believe that long distance relationships can and do work.  People are loving from a distance everyday.  You have to trust the person, support the person, pray for the person, and connect with what is important to the person.  I also believe that Jesus needs to be at the center of all relationships, and His presence should prevail even stronger when two people are loving from a distance.  God brings people together His way and in His time.  If God is calling you to love someone from a distance, then saddle up, believe it is possible, recognize that your distance is only for a season, and be thankful that God choose you to love this person.

The military guy is happily married today to a beautiful woman who adores him with some cute kids.  As the Bible says all things work together for the good.  When you believe God is doing the leading, don't shy away from long distance love.  




 
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Praying for Your Future Wife

4/27/2014

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Below is a post from our Instagram account formerly called @datingadviceforchrist.  It is great to get in the habit of praying for your future wife everyday!
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Praying for Your Future Husband

4/27/2014

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Below is a post from our Instagram account formerly called @datingadviceforchrist.  It's good to get in the habit of prayer for your future husband everyday.
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    Tracy Truesdale

    Tracy Truesdale

    Loving Jesus like crazy, mom, serving others, and a desirer to reach people in need of Christ.

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