Looks like you secured a second date, and you have a lot to be happy about. I hope my first date conversation tips helped you to navigate those nervous waters as I provided you some recommendations about what NOT to talk about. Now that a second date is in order, I want to focus on some of the temptations. Yeah, I know you are probably thinking, "Seriously, Tracy, temptation on the second date. I barely know this person." My answer to you is, "Yes, Sir and Yes, Ma'am!" Now don't get all out of sorts. Just keep reading...
Let's be honest, I know you enjoyed finally having some alone time during your first date. No friends, no kids, and no family to distract you. Just you and the other person. I don't think we need to get into your clothes selection, but you don't need to be overzealous with what you decide to wear, because your clothing should match your planned activities. Speaking of planned activities, remember it's probably a good idea to decide not to do something that will limit your ability to talk and listen to one another. Yeah, this is your second date and you want to impress each other, but you guys are still in the "infant" stage of getting to know one another. I hope you would be creative and draw from your listening skills of what you learned about them from your first date, and apply that to a planned activity for your second date which hopefully encompasses minimum distractions. Remember, you are still LEARNING about this person.
Now that you've gotten your clothes in order and have planned an appropriate activity to do, we are ready to discuss the conversation. Your conversation will always be the determining factor in deciding whether or not you make it to a third date. As I mentioned to you before in the first date conversation tips, it's one thing to be nervous cause you want to impress them and you accidentally say something dumb, but it's a whole different thing when you say something dumb on purpose and you are being a jerk. You've heard this before which is honesty is the best policy. In other words, just be honest if you are a little nervous. I've also heard some people say they think it's kinda cute when they are on a date and the other person seems nervous, because it demonstrates they care about doing the right thing.
Remember those temptations I mentioned earlier? Well, let me point a few of them out. I think it's vital to do so for a number of reasons. One of those reasons I'd like to use as an upfront example is for all my "super" Christian brothers and sisters in Christ. Now you gotta trust me with this, because I am being extremely sincere so don't get offended. I have observed time and time again that some "super" Christians tend to throw the Bible so hard at the other person about what they will and will not do that they sometimes turn the other person off from wanting to get to know them further. With that said, I want to discuss a few topics that are good for the second date conversation. Again, I suggest keeping your personal business about you and your family at a minimum, because there will be time for that in depth talk later in the future if your dates continue.
To me second dates are a good time to touch briefly on what Jesus means to you. Now these second date topics are not to be used in a condemning way, but a way to communicate your position. Again, we are NOT getting into heavy context on the second date either. You've gotta learn how to apply the concept of "less is more" in terms of how to have a fruitful conversation. Remember, this is JUST your second date. I think it's just human nature for some people to want to go straight for the jugular. They want to just jump right into the deep, heavy conversation and see what happens. In the dating world, jumping into the deep too fast can be detrimental.
JESUS vs. THE CHRISTIAN: Anybody can say they are a Christian, but are they a Jesus follower? Believe me there is a stark difference. I think it is good to let the person know on your second date a little about your relationship with Christ. No, no, no, and no again you DO NOT need to tell them you are a deacon, worship leader, men's ministry leader, small group leader, or even a pastor. They are on a date with a human being and not the deacon, worship leader, men's ministry leader, small group leader, or the pastor. There is a time and place for everything. Maybe the person already knows where you stand in your relationship with Christ and that's great. However, in the event they know you are a Christian but may not know how serious you are about being a Jesus follower, it's your responsibility to communicate that in a welcoming way. Let me be clear, the Bible tells us that we are to be equally yoked, so don't misunderstand me. However, the person you are on the date with belongs to God and not you so does God expect you to turn them away from His son Jesus by being so holy that you are no earthly good? Of course not! You have to remember the person you are on the date with maybe healing from something that they have been going through and although they love Jesus, they are rediscovering His love for them. So, don't be so quick to preach a sermon to them or to judge them. Trust me you DO NOT need to preach a sermon. In the meantime, let your lifestyle be your sermon as they get to know you better.
CHURCH vs. THE CHRISTIAN: Anybody can say they are a Christian, but are they a Jesus follower? Do you go to church? How often do you go to church? Do you attend any conferences? How involved are you in church? Do you tithe? How often do you tithe? How often do you pray? Have you read the Bible all the way through yet? I can go on and on... All great and valid questions, but is this the right time on a second date? Besides, I don't think any of us are in a position to cast the first stone. Yes, I think it is vital to get an understanding of making sure you communicate that you go to church, and why you like going to church. That is more than suitable. Second dates should not be interrogation sessions. Remember "less is more", and you don't want to intimidate the other person after hearing about your "church". I recently heard someone say that people may want to go to church with you because of what they see about you, but Jesus is the only one that can keep them in the church once they arrive. So, I'm sure you both have a lot in common with church, just keep it light for now.
SEX vs. THE CHRISTIAN: Anybody can say they are a Christian, but are they a Jesus follower? Your job as a Jesus follower is to communicate in a welcoming way that it is important that you not give off the wrong cue, because you believe that sex outside of marriage is NOT God's plan for you. This way you are not judging the other person, because you don't fully know their story yet all the while you are able to keep the focus solely on your own position about sex. Your other job as a Jesus follower is to NOT create an environment where the temptation to have sex can occur on a date. I know you want to know all the details about the other person's sex life, but frankly it's none of your business. If they don't volunteer their position on sex outside of marriage, you CANNOT assume they believe in it. Trust me if they believe you are serious about what you said that you do not believe in sex outside of marriage, they will either not call you again or you will inspire them to change any bad behavior if they believe that you are worth it. As I keep saying, you are ONLY on your second date.
As I close, I want you to know that the aforementioned topics about Jesus, church, and sex can and should be deal breakers. I just don't want you to judge the other person without getting to know the person's journey. Never forget that God gave you a second, third, fourth, etc., chance so don't you forget that. Besides, you know you are not perfect either. God is not asking you to fix the person, because you CANNOT fix anyone. What God is asking you is to pray for wisdom and guidance. You know there are some people out there who are Jesus followers that don't believe they deserve a good person like you. because they have messed up so bad in their life. So as you approach these second date topics, approach them with mercy.
I hope you enjoyed this second article and will stay tuned for my final third date conversation tips.