Tracy Truesdale
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SINGLE AGAIN:  Who Said That

1/22/2016

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"Oh yeah, my husband said this...";  "My wife always...";  "We are planning..." If you haven't experienced this already, there will be many things that have to change when you are no longer married and that even includes how you now identify yourself to others.  When you go from married back to single again, a change in vocabulary is also something you will have to rethink.  Chances are you've been use to saying my wife, my husband, we, us, our, etc., and now you don't have a husband or a wife to call your own.

There are some people in this world who simply believe they are born to be married, and they feel their life works better when they are married.  Please don't get me wrong by this statement, I don't mean other people don't want to be married just as much, but the people I'm referring too really, really struggle when they are alone, and often times quickly jump back into another marriage just to say I'm married.  They sometimes have this idolized image of, "I just want my life to be about me and my husband or me and my wife."  They haven't connected to the fact that there is a reason why they are no longer married, and they often resist embracing this change of lifestyle which includes a change in vocabulary. 

On the other hand, there are people whose marriage may have ended, and they are doing their best to cope and to embrace their new singleness.  They don't always like being alone, but they deal with it.  They are open to getting married again but in time.  They want to embrace this new lifestyle and all that comes with it, and they have no problem practicing their new vocabulary even though they may have a " slip up" every now and then out of habit.  

Let's be honest you are use to your identification being wrapped up in your former spouse.  Out of fairness to you, all you've ever known is them being there and the both of you doing life.  Now their not there anymore, and you're doing life with just you.  To you it still feels the same, but it's really not the same.  Unyoking your identification from your former spouse is hard, but a necessity if you have any hope of getting married again one day.  As difficult as it maybe, you will need to figure out how many people you want to be yoked too moving forward for this new season of your life.

Changing your vocabulary may seem like such a small thing to you, but words have power.  What you say to yourself and others shape the way you think.  Regardless of the reason, your former spouse is not there anymore to meet your needs, and if you are constantly referring to yourself in a married sense, it doesn't leave room for anyone else to get an opportunity to meet your future needs.

I know it maybe hard to hear and I don't mean any disrespect to your former marriage, but you are no longer a wife or a husband anymore to anyone.​​​​  So in due time, your "my wife or my husband​" sayings will need to be deferred until you get married again.  As you continue to make your vocabulary transition, it may seem weird at first hearing yourself not refer to your former spouse, but instead referring only to yourself, but you'll get use to it.  This simple speech change practiced over and over again will help you to see yourself as an individual again and aid you in the healing process.

There will come a day when you will not have to be mindful of your speech when referring to what you want, what you need, who you are, where you are going, etc., and you'll be a better person for it.  Matter of fact, it will show others just how healthy and healed you are from the inside out.  The other nice part about being healthy and healed is that new single person you maybe interested in will sense that from you and want to get to know you better.  So when that day comes and you hear yourself referring only to yourself, you won't be inclined to look over your shoulders and say, "Who said that?"​
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STILL SINGLE:  Still Waiting

1/12/2016

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I know, I know, you are getting tired of hearing everyone tell you to be patient and to wait on the Lord.  I get it, and I know it's easier said than done.  Especially when married people or folks in serious dating relationships are the ones giving advice.  They don't mean any harm and they are actually right, there "ain't" no rushing God, so what choice do you have but to continue to enjoy life as you wait patiently for your future wife or husband. 

I think most singles grapple with waiting pretty much all the time, but the start of a new year intensifies the waiting.  It illuminates the absence of that future husband or wife you've been praying for.  It stirs up and confuses your emotions.  It can even make you question God.  After all, who wants to face another new year with no hint of a future wife or husband in sight.  All you keep hearing is talk, talk, talk, and no action.  WHY IS GOD TAKING SO LONG?

I often get asked if I'm single or in a serious dating relationship, and of course I give them an answer which is usually followed up by a flood of questions.  But what I do find interesting is that some people think that I've had this fairy tale love life without waiting on God.  During the course of my life's journey, I've done my fair share of waiting, and it's been mostly impatient waiting.  It maybe hard to believe, but I know what it's like to date the wrong guy.  I know what it's like to date a really great guy who has commitment issues.  I know what it's like to have great chemistry with someone whose emotionally unavailable.  Trust me I know... AND I also know that old Tracy is not the new Tracy that is much stronger and is what you see today.  I'm not boasting about anything, but I am a product of learning how to wait patiently.

Occasionally, I may run into someone whose read some of my social media connections, and I can see and discern that this individual is an amazing person.  I sometimes think, boy he would be great for this person or maybe she would enjoy meeting him.  It seems I'm the center of meeting people who haven't met each other if that makes any sense to you.  Maybe I should start a dating connection service lol.  When I meet these people, I can hear the dedication in their voices as I listen to their stories, and like you, they too are waiting on God.  Some of them have strong faith in their waiting, and some of them still have a sprinkle of doubt wrapped up in their faith.  At the end of the day, they are waiting, they are trusting God according to their level of faith, and they have a kin sense of awareness to meet their future wife or husband. 

Waiting can cause weakness for an individual whose getting weary.  You may find yourself justifying being with someone so that you don't have to be alone.  You may even see a need to not wait on God and force a relationship to happen.  I don't think you really want any of the results that would surely come from what I just mentioned, so when you find yourself getting weary in waiting, stop, take an adult time out and reset yourself.

Waiting can also cause strength to emerge.  While you're still single, you have more time to spend with and serve God, and in the Bible, Paul even talks about that in 1 Corinthians 7:32.  You have more time to get educated on what you need to do not just to maintain, but to sustain a healthy relationship rooted in Christ.  Most importantly, you have more time to examine yourself and continue working on becoming a better you for your future husband or wife.  ​  
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For those who maybe a little weak, my advice to you is to face the weaknesses you may have so that you can address and correct any behavior.  Find other Christ filled singles who are an example to you and that you can be accountable too for guidance.  If you can find a church or small group that have ministries dedicated to serving singles, you may want to consider checking them out.  For those of you who find more strength in your waiting, my advice to you is don't hoard it over those who maybe struggling.  It's WONDERFUL that you are further along which makes you a great candidate to be that Christ filled person I just spoke about who can serve to be an example to other singles.  In that strength you have make sure it's filled with compassion and love. 

I know your time will come to find love.  I trust that God knows what He's doing for you.  I believe you need to do everything possible to get yourself ready which means action on your part.  This action I'm referring too is not just talking about what you need or want to do.  Nor does this action include having good intentions.  This action requires you to be very intentional in moving forward and making the necessary progress.  I hope to not only meet you one day, but to meet your future wife or husband and to hear your story.  Always remember waiting has it's place, waiting is necessary, waiting provides wisdom, and waiting will get you the God results you long for.
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MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

1/2/2016

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A fresh start, a new time of the year is what is swirling in the minds of each and every person right now including me.  It still amazes me that the switch of one day from December 31 to January 1 brings about so much hope and possibility.  To be honest, I simply love it.  Yes, this hope and possibility should be new for each of us every morning, but the pounding of life can make it hard to see this every day, so I love knowing that people all over the world are reaching for this renewing of the mind at this time of year.  

I usually don't center my life around tons of new year resolutions, but this year I do have one that I plan to stick with.  I've been thinking about this for a while, and I see it's something that will serve me well and be a source of daily encouragement.  My new year's resolution is that I plan to find one or more things that has happened to me during the course of each current week and share that with someone in need of encouragement. 

I have been noticing that when God gives me an opportunity to share or to encourage, I usually use examples of things that have happened to me many, many years ago as my sole source of why I chose Jesus to be Lord over my life.  For some reason, I don't automatically identify things that are as recent as yesterday or last week as though God has stopped doing things for me.  Is it that I don't think the things that God has done for me yesterday are not as powerful as some big faith test He got me through years ago?  Is it that I am unconsciously labeling things that God has and continue to do for me as "little God things" vs. "big God things" when I'm sharing with others as if the little things will not have the same impact as the big things?  This, of course, brings me to the fact that it's not my job to do God's job, right?  When and if He gives me opportunities to share my faith or to be a source of encouragement to someone, all I'm responsible to do is to be led by the Holy Spirit and to trust that even if I haven't had a big faith test happen to me during the course of the current week it doesn't mean my weekly experiences with God, however little, are not just as powerful.

There's nothing wrong with using past memories as examples of things you want to use to help someone else know why God is AMAZING, and I'm sure I will use my past "go to" examples in the future if I believe the Holy Spirit is leading me to do so, but this year in 2016 these things will not be my "routine" if you know what I mean.  I want my identification in Christ to be MORE than what has happened to me.  I want my identification to also be what Christ is PRESENTLY doing for me.  I want my testimony to be ever present. 

So, there, you've heard it straight from the "horse's mouth" that Tracy has stated her new year's resolution to the whole world.  I pray that whatever you are striving for in 2016 that you reach and surpass it.  If you are reading this no matter what time of the day or where you live in this world, I want you to be happy.  I want you to remove the restraints over your life that have been imposed by yourself or other people.  If something is not working according to God's plan in your life, then you need to remove it.  If something is working but not efficiently in your life, then you need to revamp it.  I want you to know that this year has tremendous hope and possibility.  I want you to know if I were standing right in front of you now, I would be saying to you that not only are you an amazing person, but God still has much for you to do.  Happy New Year!!!!   ​
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