by Tracy Truesdale
I mean you deserve to take a dance break now that you have made it to your third date. In the past two articles I focused on the DOs and DON"Ts, but in this final article I want to focus on ensuring that you leave the past in the past and that there are no comparisons with ex husbands and ex wives OR old boyfriends and old girlfriends OR late husbands and late wives. It is vital that you appreciate the fact that this person has invested the time thus far in wanting to get to know you more, but it is not a "green light" for you to get comfortable yet. Remember if the two of you decide to continue dating and ultimately become exclusive, you will need to show some delicateness as you journey the waters of your dating relationship.
Both of you need to take time during this third date to really listen to one another as you begin to open up about yourselves. Opening up, as I have said in previous articles, should be done in a manner that is appropriate and thoughtful. Although you have made it to your third date, your time together is still in an "infant" stage. This is your time to show the other person a little bit about your personal life. Don't hog up all the time with your life story, so remember to leave some breathing room for your date to share their life story as well. In the event you hear something that heightens your curiosity, please ask them to explain what they meant. Don't leave your third date with unanswered curiosity, because you will create a hole for the enemy to try to derail you. You both are adults, so ask for clarification. Be respectful, make appropriate eye contact, listen effectively, and don't forget to laugh at their jokes.
As done previously, I like to address specific points to bring to your attention with the hopes of keeping you balanced and hopefully helping you to secure another date. In this particular article, I want to address some mental things that can block your progress and possibly make the other person question if they want to go deeper in their pursuit of you. So here we go....
FOR THE BEAUTIFUL SINGLE LADIES: Sooo, you've not only made it to a third date, but you have this amazing man interested in you. I would say you are doing great. Now for your third date I know you are itching to ask him a million prying questions about all his business, but let's make sure we keep you accountable first. With that said, I do not want you daydreaming about planning your wedding with him on the down low just because you made it to your third date. Don't start dropping friends, because you want to clear your calendar and be constantly available for him in case he might possibly want to get together unexpectedly. For any of you women who may have had a bad breakup in the past, don't forget this man is not the man that hurt you so don't make him pay for another man's mistakes. For all my ladies who are eager to have babies and feel that their biological clocks are screaming at them everyday, calm down and don't dive straight into how many babies you want to have as soon as you get married. The reverse is also true that this man should not be viewed as a quick solution to giving your children a father. My sistas who have daddy issues, please, please, please don't start trying to fix this man because you feel you are the only one who can solve all his problems so he can become the man of your dreams. My point to all of this is that your third date is extremely important, and it is even more critical that you not overwhelm him with so much information. Hold yourself accountable and stay focused on showing him a little more about your personal life, but you don't want to scare him off because you are either sharing too much too soon or he senses you might turn out to be this clingy woman who is overly anxious to race to the nearest wedding chapel. Remember you are not perfect and neither is he. Yes, this is a time to share and begin to open up about your true self, but be delicate girlfriend.
FOR THE HANDSOME SINGLE MEN: Ok, guys, I hope you are feeling some of the pressure on you starting to dissipate. You need to be righteously proud of yourself for acting on your interest in this woman and taking the initiative in showing her that by spending more time with her. As I told the ladies, your third date is very important, because it is a time to start to open up about yourself on a personal level. Because I am a woman, I can tell you firsthand that she is itching to get into your business, but it is okay to be measured in your approach. Like women, men have various reasons why they like a particular woman, and these reasons may not always be crystal clear on the surface. With that said, this woman that you are interested in is unique, and women do not like to be compared to another woman and I don't care how great she is or was. I mean don't get me wrong, women love compliments but make sure you tread delicately when your compliment is tied to another woman that has been in your life or is still in your life. Make sure that the reason you still want to spend time with her is not because she looks like someone you have dated before or been married to before because that's just down right creepy, weird, and it demonstrates you are not ready to move forward because you still have some issues to work out. Make sure your time spent with her is not because you are only searching for a mom for your children. Even if a woman wants children herself or seems to not mind your intent, trust me trust me trust me this, my friend, will ALWAYS come back to haunt you down the road. If this woman reminds you of your mother, guess what, it is in your best interest to remember that this woman is NOT your mother. I repeat... this woman is not your mother, and I don't think I need to say anything more. I believe you understand that although you are beginning to share a little more, you too will need to be delicate.
Now I get that everything I listed above may not apply to you as a woman or to you as a man. However, I hope that what I have described provokes you to think about where you are mentally. We all have baggage, but your baggage should not be feeding any mental blocks you may have in successfully being present in this potential dating relationship. I don't need to tell you what you need to correct. Just make sure that this man that is sitting in front of you has a fair shake and don't be judging him. Let him know that you feel he is doing a great job and that you appreciate everything he has done to spend time with you. The same goes true regarding this woman that is sitting in front of you. Make sure she knows that you really appreciate her uniqueness, and boy ole boy her face will light up.
As I conclude, I just want to say thank you for taking this single's journey with me. I will always be praying for you, and I hope this wonderful woman and magnificent man turns out to be your person. I hope that you would finally give yourself permission to love. Your heart is big enough for more love. Enjoy each date, and do not be in a rush. If this turns out to be your person, then you have to trust God that you will have time to delicately learn more and more about them. Protect your time with this person, and do not let negative people sway you. Finally and I mean this with a great depth of sincerity, don't self sabotage this because you feel guilty about moving forward with your life. At some point, you have to put what you have learned from God's word into practice when it comes to trusting God with your love life. I speak God's protection over your life and that He will continue to increase you in wisdom, knowledge, and discernment! GOD BLESS YOU!
I mean you deserve to take a dance break now that you have made it to your third date. In the past two articles I focused on the DOs and DON"Ts, but in this final article I want to focus on ensuring that you leave the past in the past and that there are no comparisons with ex husbands and ex wives OR old boyfriends and old girlfriends OR late husbands and late wives. It is vital that you appreciate the fact that this person has invested the time thus far in wanting to get to know you more, but it is not a "green light" for you to get comfortable yet. Remember if the two of you decide to continue dating and ultimately become exclusive, you will need to show some delicateness as you journey the waters of your dating relationship.
Both of you need to take time during this third date to really listen to one another as you begin to open up about yourselves. Opening up, as I have said in previous articles, should be done in a manner that is appropriate and thoughtful. Although you have made it to your third date, your time together is still in an "infant" stage. This is your time to show the other person a little bit about your personal life. Don't hog up all the time with your life story, so remember to leave some breathing room for your date to share their life story as well. In the event you hear something that heightens your curiosity, please ask them to explain what they meant. Don't leave your third date with unanswered curiosity, because you will create a hole for the enemy to try to derail you. You both are adults, so ask for clarification. Be respectful, make appropriate eye contact, listen effectively, and don't forget to laugh at their jokes.
As done previously, I like to address specific points to bring to your attention with the hopes of keeping you balanced and hopefully helping you to secure another date. In this particular article, I want to address some mental things that can block your progress and possibly make the other person question if they want to go deeper in their pursuit of you. So here we go....
FOR THE BEAUTIFUL SINGLE LADIES: Sooo, you've not only made it to a third date, but you have this amazing man interested in you. I would say you are doing great. Now for your third date I know you are itching to ask him a million prying questions about all his business, but let's make sure we keep you accountable first. With that said, I do not want you daydreaming about planning your wedding with him on the down low just because you made it to your third date. Don't start dropping friends, because you want to clear your calendar and be constantly available for him in case he might possibly want to get together unexpectedly. For any of you women who may have had a bad breakup in the past, don't forget this man is not the man that hurt you so don't make him pay for another man's mistakes. For all my ladies who are eager to have babies and feel that their biological clocks are screaming at them everyday, calm down and don't dive straight into how many babies you want to have as soon as you get married. The reverse is also true that this man should not be viewed as a quick solution to giving your children a father. My sistas who have daddy issues, please, please, please don't start trying to fix this man because you feel you are the only one who can solve all his problems so he can become the man of your dreams. My point to all of this is that your third date is extremely important, and it is even more critical that you not overwhelm him with so much information. Hold yourself accountable and stay focused on showing him a little more about your personal life, but you don't want to scare him off because you are either sharing too much too soon or he senses you might turn out to be this clingy woman who is overly anxious to race to the nearest wedding chapel. Remember you are not perfect and neither is he. Yes, this is a time to share and begin to open up about your true self, but be delicate girlfriend.
FOR THE HANDSOME SINGLE MEN: Ok, guys, I hope you are feeling some of the pressure on you starting to dissipate. You need to be righteously proud of yourself for acting on your interest in this woman and taking the initiative in showing her that by spending more time with her. As I told the ladies, your third date is very important, because it is a time to start to open up about yourself on a personal level. Because I am a woman, I can tell you firsthand that she is itching to get into your business, but it is okay to be measured in your approach. Like women, men have various reasons why they like a particular woman, and these reasons may not always be crystal clear on the surface. With that said, this woman that you are interested in is unique, and women do not like to be compared to another woman and I don't care how great she is or was. I mean don't get me wrong, women love compliments but make sure you tread delicately when your compliment is tied to another woman that has been in your life or is still in your life. Make sure that the reason you still want to spend time with her is not because she looks like someone you have dated before or been married to before because that's just down right creepy, weird, and it demonstrates you are not ready to move forward because you still have some issues to work out. Make sure your time spent with her is not because you are only searching for a mom for your children. Even if a woman wants children herself or seems to not mind your intent, trust me trust me trust me this, my friend, will ALWAYS come back to haunt you down the road. If this woman reminds you of your mother, guess what, it is in your best interest to remember that this woman is NOT your mother. I repeat... this woman is not your mother, and I don't think I need to say anything more. I believe you understand that although you are beginning to share a little more, you too will need to be delicate.
Now I get that everything I listed above may not apply to you as a woman or to you as a man. However, I hope that what I have described provokes you to think about where you are mentally. We all have baggage, but your baggage should not be feeding any mental blocks you may have in successfully being present in this potential dating relationship. I don't need to tell you what you need to correct. Just make sure that this man that is sitting in front of you has a fair shake and don't be judging him. Let him know that you feel he is doing a great job and that you appreciate everything he has done to spend time with you. The same goes true regarding this woman that is sitting in front of you. Make sure she knows that you really appreciate her uniqueness, and boy ole boy her face will light up.
As I conclude, I just want to say thank you for taking this single's journey with me. I will always be praying for you, and I hope this wonderful woman and magnificent man turns out to be your person. I hope that you would finally give yourself permission to love. Your heart is big enough for more love. Enjoy each date, and do not be in a rush. If this turns out to be your person, then you have to trust God that you will have time to delicately learn more and more about them. Protect your time with this person, and do not let negative people sway you. Finally and I mean this with a great depth of sincerity, don't self sabotage this because you feel guilty about moving forward with your life. At some point, you have to put what you have learned from God's word into practice when it comes to trusting God with your love life. I speak God's protection over your life and that He will continue to increase you in wisdom, knowledge, and discernment! GOD BLESS YOU!
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